So I decided to start a second blog, something quiet, something separate from my usual life.
I'm having a really rough day
Feeling weighed down by anxiety, overwhelm, and feelings of inadequacy.
I can't even really describe what the worst of it is. Most of it is about feeling pulled in too many directions at once, and thus feeling directionless.
I can't stand my day job. Phones are actually one of my biggest anxiety triggers, and yet here I am, working a call center job. But this time, in contrast to my last job, where I was surrounded by lovely and supportive coworkers who gave me a relatively safe feeling space, I am completely alone. At home. In front of a cramped desk. With a small computer. In my dark room. Whereas I found my job much easier at G, and always had support near me to ask questions, at N I feel like everyone is overworked. My IMs are ignored, my supervisor is always busy, and there's usually a hold time to talk to the help line. And they're not always happy if you call them about an 'easy' question.
Do I want to try to find another nine to five job? Looking online at job descriptions leaves me feeling desperately under qualified. And none of the jobs sound fun anyway. How does one fake enthusiasm over something that sounds so boring?
So I might turn back to freelancing. But looking at my portfolio gives me similar feelings of inadequacy. What HAVE I really done?
What CAN I really do? Sure I'm good at some things, but am I really GREAT at anything? Do I even like doing these things?
Even when I've gotten past that and I'm seeking out clients, how does one find freelancing work? Cold calling. Pitching strangers. Sales. My one true weakness. The whole reason I want out of the Nordstrom job in the first place.
I feel trapped, and I feel like I'm going in circles. Work on the business. Find clients. Find a new job. Start a drop ship store. Start a YouTube channel. Sell at conventions. Be a makeup artist. Sell on Depop. Sell on eBay. Work on your portfolio. Work on your resume.
I feel like I'm constantly working but I'm not going anywhere.
